Non-Digital Blog (or, how I learned to stop typing and love the pen)

Despite the lack of posts here, I have actually been blogging lately--in a little moleskin notebook I keep in my bag. Yes, I've been putting the pen to paper, and if some of you aren't careful, you may actually receive a letter or card from me (actually, this is not very likely). I have also been arguing (read: "debating") about the internet with my wife. I'm starting to see the internet as a giant cesspool that is making my generation and those younger than me stupid (though I havent' read his book, I agree with some of this guy's points).

But since most of you will never see the inside of my little moleskin notebook (it's pure genius, and, frankly, I don't think most of you could handle it), I will be moving over some of my wittier observations. After all, I have the title of "Funniest Man in the World" to maintain (though Mr. Keen would contend that this is more "cult of the amateur").

Things I like this summer:

-Beaches
-Remembering the ferry schedule (or, alternately, forgetting the ferry schedule, calling a car service, waiting 3 hours for said car service, sitting in said car service's car for 2 hours, paying said car service $140, getting home from the beach at midnight)
-The song "Club Foot" by Kasabian
-All you can eat mussels, with a Stella on the side
-Dining outside. Just ignore the traffic, pollution and noise
-The fact that the 2007 MTV Movie Awards used "Club Foot" to open this year's show
-The fact that I used the same song to open my wife's Bash 8 fashion show two years ago
-Sarah Silverman's opening monologue at the MTV Movie Awards. Sarah, speaking about the recent panty-less outings of certain celebrities: "I see four of the most famous vaginas in Hollywood here tonight. Five, actually, I just saw Toby McGuire."

I didn't like the rest of the awards. Maybe it's because I'm old and I remember when MTV played videos, or at least original programming (what the hell is up with full-day marathons of "Australia's Next Top Model"?). Or maybe it's because the entire production felt like a three-hour commercial for "Transformers."

Things I found ironic in my life:

-Watching the movie "Airplane" on an airplane while flying from New York to San Diego.

Quotes I found funny:

-Tom Arnold, in the so-unbelievable-its-bad-its-good movie "True Lies," talking about his ex-wife: "I get home and the ice cube trays are gone from the freezer! What kind of a sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?"

Other miscellaneous thoughts:
-Do online mortgage advertisers not realize it is 2007? Why am I going to click on a dancing gnome to get a mortgage quote. Flashing "click now" in bright red and blue is helpful, too.
-I hate revolving doors, but I wonder: do revolving doors turn the opposite direction south of the equator?
-Street food is everywhere in Manhattan. I've become a regular at the fruit cart outside my building, but I think it is a little weird that he sells pineapples. Whole pineapples. What I am supposed to do, bring that up to my office, set it on my desk and pull out a machete?
-There is also tons of outdoor smoking here, since you can't smoke inside anywhere (which is awesome), so the image of a cigarette break is not unusual. What is unusual is the guy I saw taking a cigar break at lunch today.
-Does anyone besides me think the bow tie is making a comeback?
-And finally, yes, I do have plans this weekend. You know -- the typical New York night: going to a restaurant where it took me five months to get a reservation, and then going out to a small bar with no address where you actually have to call a phone number to get on the list and get the address, then pass through two security doors to get in. You know, just a normal night.

Historically speaking . . .

Lately (well, since the CFA exam a few weeks ago), I have been watching a number of period movies (Marie Antoinette), History Channel documentaries (La Cosa Nostra, WWII, and a really cool special called "From the Bible to the Battlefield" that tracked the war tactics of the Israelites), and HBO specials and shows (Rome, etc). Though I know that not everything I've seen is historically accurate, I have observed two common themes running through the course of human history.

First, it is amazing to think about how much of the course of human history has been decided under the influence of alcohol (or even other drugs). In Marie Antoinette, the king drinks wine at breakfast before negotiating treaties. Soldiers, and likely generals, sometimes enter battle under the influence. And I'm sure old Winston Churchill knocked back some cocktails with FDR and Stalin at the Yalta conference. Even in business, a bottle of scotch is frequently present, aiding negotiations and strategy. Alcohol has been ritualized in human society, whether through casual means or acts like communion. Would modern society be different, or would we be different, if these issues were decided with clear conscience and sobriety?

Additionally, I have been struck by the commonality of the human spirit. At the end of the day, regardless of wealth, social status, race or era, we enjoy human company -- the communal act of eating. Look at dances and dinners throughout history: the same themes are present. To compare two movies, the social activities in City of God (about life in a poor Brazilian ghetto) and Marie Antoinette (about the height of society at Versailles) are not much different, controlling for the amount of money involved. People enjoy the same gossip and get the same thrill from a glance by an unknown stranger across the room. The social interaction of eating, whether among the Ottoman soldiers that invented the shish kebob, or among French nobility, or even among the Soprano family while dining at Arte Buco's restaurant, fuels the human spirit as it has throughout history.

What I'm watching now

Besides the NBA playoffs, this month has held a dearth of interesting sporting events for me (as I'm not a baseball fan). Notwithstanding my casual viewing of last Saturday and Sunday's NFL draft, what I'm watching right now might be one of the least sporting sporting events I have ever watched.

On ESPN2, I am watching the live draw for Kentucky Derby post positions. Conventional wisdom says to pick slots 8, 9, and 10 (the first picks in eight of the last nine years), though no Derby winner has come from those spots in those years. Storm in May threw everyone off by picking the fourth slot with the first pick.

Last Night's Dream

People say you can see the future by staring into the horizon.* There's that thin slice of life between the heavens and the earth, where anything is possible.

Last night, as the sun was setting on a beautiful spring afternoon, I walked to the edge of Manhattan and looked across the water into the horizon. For a second, I think I saw the future. It looked a lot like New Jersey.


*Note: I don't actually know anyone who says this.

PMDD? RLS? Are these diseases?

What are drug companies doing these days?

Since they can't cure important diseases (you know, like Cancer), they are making up diseases to cure. Seriously, Restless Leg Syndrome? It's nervous energy. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder? The commercial for YAZ sounds like a joke. Within a four-week cycle, women now have to deal with one week of PMS and one week of PMDD, so they only have two "normal" weeks per month.

The world also has a big pharma company trying to re-sell a drug, Celebrex, that is so safe that it has never been removed from the market, unlike its competition (Vioxx, for example).

I don't know about you, but I, for one, am quite thankful that we have Big Pharma looking out for use. I can't wait until they cure my GDTKFIOSH disorder.

(that's Genetic Desire To Knock Fists Instead Of Shake Hands, for you non-doctors out there.)

Country Music Jumped the Shark

I just saw a commercial for the CMT Music Awards, "country's only fan-voted award show." The commercial was a blur of bare midriffs, crowd surfing and some Shakira-esque chest pumping. With Carrie Underwood's American Idol pedigree and the frosted tips of Rascal Flatts, this looks exactly like a Ryan Seacrest fan club meeting. The show also has tabloid favorite Keith Urban, who is only interesting because of who he married. I'm sure that in old-school country tradition, his music will be a lot better after he falls off the wagon and loses Nicole Kidman. There's also a band called Sugarland, which looks like a Nashville version of the Pussycat Dolls.

Seriously, this is country music now? Fan-selected country music? Who are these fans? My sister-in-law listens to some country, but I don't think she's a big fan of Sugarland.

Martina McBride is there, and I guess she's a little country. Toby Keith may be sort of country too, but the verdict is still out on that one. His next album might sound like a drunk James Blunt album. Hank Williams III is playing, but I'm sure ol' Hank Williams and Hank Williams Jr. wouldn't be caught dead in this crowd. What happened to the country of Johnny and Willie, or even Reba or Patsy Cline? Where's the bad boy image of David Allen Coe? Where's Alabama, Brooks & Dunn, or (even) Garth? When did country become pop?

Plus, Bon Jovi is scheduled to appear -- I'm not sure if this represents more evidence of Country's shark jumping, or if it is just a sad state of affairs for Bon Jovi and the boys.

What's a CD?

Apple just announced that it has sold 100 million iPods since 2001, and the company currently controls about 75% of the portable MP3 player market.

Just this weekend, while I was moving, I hooked up the stereo and iPod first, before moving anything else into the apartment. As my wife and I cleaned, unpacked and organized, we were greated by a great stream of music, sorted by playlist, artist or genre (we did listen to a few channels on Sirius for a few hours, but we prefered the comforting selection of our own music). On Sunday, we moved over the last load, which included about 400 CDs in two huge nylon books) from the old aparment. The CDs came from one closet and went straight into another.

I realized that I can't even imagine using CDs anymore. It would have been annoying to get up and change CDs every 45 minutes this weekend. Even if we fully loaded the five-disc changer, we wouldn't have had the same variety in music. What I once thought of as a convenience--a multi-disc changer and the portability of CDs--I know view as a hassle. Apparently, others do too: this weekend, I saw a guy at a flea market selling his entire CD collection, all without cases and straight from his CD book. I bet he ripped everything into a hard drive and is getting rid of the original copies, which is something that I should consider.

Anyway, since this was a long boring post about something (digital music) that has already been beaten to death, here's what I was listening to this weekend.

Arcade Fire - Neon Bible. Somehow, I like this record more than the last one, which is tough to believe.

Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Again, I'm surprised that I like this more than Good News for People Who Love Bad News.

The Rakes, El-P, Bright Eyes (I'm excited about the new album), LCD Soundsystem, OK Go, a little bit of Led Zeppelin, the Faces, the Rolling Stones, the Kinks, Bob Dylan (gotta have some classic rock while moving), the Raconteurs, Tokyo Police Club, Cold War Kids.

There's a lot of good music out there. Now I just have to get to more concerts. I missed the Cold War Kids for the second time this year, AND they were playing with Tokyo Police Club. Somehow, I'll figure out how to snag tickets in this fiercely competitive market (it seems like everything sells out in minutes).

PS - Does anyone know how to upload MP3s to Blogger?

The competition heats up

My wife wants it again. She's got her eye on the prize. Yes, she wants to become a repeat winner of the coveted "Wife of the Year" award.

Last year, she jumped out to an early lead with the sexiest Valentines Day gift ever: a 42-inch plasma TV. She continued to hang on to her lead throughout the summer by watching an insane amount of World Cup soccer with me, even going to bars at 10 in the morning.

It seems like she is trying to duplicate her strategy this year, though she started a little earlier in the year. For my birthday, she hooked me up with a sweet snowboarding trip to Vermont. For Valentines Day, I got some nice snowboard pants to replace my 1996 Bamboo Curtain pants.

She's definitely starting her mid-year push earlier this year too. Last night she came home with a pretty sweet surprise: tickets to the Arcade Fire show on May 8th.

Yup, she's my wife. And I'm lucky.

Bad Movies I Always Watch

Four bad movies I always stop and watch on TV:

1. Back to the Future 3
2. The Replacements
3. Drumline
4. Vegas Vacation (This may not qualify as "bad" but it's certainly no Citizen Kane)

New York, I Love You but You're Bringing Me Down

Actually, that's not quite true, but it's the title of a great new song by LCD Soundsystem (I couldn't figure out how to post the MP3, so if anyone knows, hook a brother up). Go over to the Hype Machine and see if you can grab it.

Truthfully, I love it here. After 10 months in our apartment, we are moving a few blocks away --- and saving $1000 per month. Sure, we may have to put up with a little more noise, but the apartment might actually be laid out better. I guess that's what you get for moving from an 1850s building to one that was built last century (early, but at least pre-war means pre-WWI, not pre-Civil War). Also, the wife and I may be able to sit on the same couch and watch TV.

Tonight I had one of those uniquely New York (say it, "unique New York") moments that I get here occasionally. When I'm walking around, especially with my iPod on, I feel like I'm in a movie or something. As I walked home from a meeting with my tax guy, it started drizzling--not enough to get me to pull out my umbrella, though. I walked down Perry St. with a box of pizza in my hand, listening to the Rolling Stones' "Streetfighting Man," as a smile appeared on my face. This is why I moved here.

Lost Vegas

Those of you who know me, might know I spent last weekend attending a wedding in Las Vegas. Those of you who don't know me, you now know that I spent last weekend attending a wedding in Las Vegas --- but you still don't know me.

The whole trip was too quick: an afternoon in the sun, a night in the casino and the wedding. Was it worth seven hours of travel? Definitely. Here are some thoughts about the weekend.

--On the shuttle on the way to the Wynn, I rode with two interesting groups. These are people who should not visit Las Vegas. The first group had this conversation:

Woman: Man, I really need a drink. Do you think they have water?
Man: Probably. The first thing we need to do is check out the fitness center to see how much we have to pay to use the gym.

I also heard this exchange:

Woman 1: Last time I was here, I stayed at the Bellagio on the 27th floor.
Woman 2: Cool.
Woman 1: Yeah, I got pretty fucked up.
Woman 2: Cool.
Woman 1: I stayed in one night, all night, and watched the fountains.
Woman 2: Cool. Peace.

--On the plane, I switched seats with an obnoxiously hyper 20-year old so she could sit next to her boyfriend. I think she bounced the entire trip. It was her first flight in 12 years, and her first time out of Atlanta in 8 years. They stayed at the "pyrimid-thingy" and she turned 21 at midnight. I think Vegas might be too much for her.

--Why are hotel TVs and remotes the worst things in the world? How hard to you have to push the damn button on the remote to change channels?

--Gambling psychology is interesting, but penny slot psychology is more interesting. I put in $20 bucks at Casino Royale, a top-notch dive on the strip. After 2 hours and 2 drinks, I whittled my 2000 credits down to about a buck and a half. Suddenly, I went on a hot streak and build my pile back up to about $5. Here I was, wasting $20, and I was excited about making back four bucks.

All in all, Vegas is actually a great place for a wedding, if it's done right (this one was). And, I proved, once again, that I am not a gambler. I just don't have that impulse. I'm too cautious. At least we didn't lose everything. Here's a picture of us with our last $5 chip, which we still have (the betting minimums at the Wynn were $15 to $25).

Stuck in the middle again

Some people are too serious at B-school. Some people still care – even first years. I’m in the lounge right now, with jokers to the left of me, clowns on my right.

The guy on my left is explaining his thoughts on political action and violence to a girl. In his opinion, people now use the concept of justice to disguise violence. He’s went over this line of reasoning three times, and the girl still doesn’t get it.

On my right, there’s a guy in a suit. He had a Dean’s Roundtable Lunch today. I wasn’t even aware these were still going on.

I actually had to wear a suit yesterday, but it was for a much cooler reason: photo day! No, not school-wide photos. And I didn’t get a plastic comb. But I looked good. Since I don’t usually wear suits, someone asked me if I had an interview. I said no. He said good luck on the interview. I said thanks for listening.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

It's cold today. It's March and it's really cold. However, it's not the cold that's the problem: it's the wind. The wind chill is supposed to be below zero for most of the day. It's so windy that the fan in our air conditioner is spinning. And because of the wind chill, it's so cold that the steam from the shower froze on the bathroom window. We have ice crystals on the bathroom window and frost around the metal frame on the window--I haven't seen either before. Maybe I'll stay home today. I only have one class anyway.

Afternoon Update: I just got home from class. It's so cold outside, you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk in a few minutes.

Product Recall

IMPORTANT NOTICE

There has been a product recall on Sour Patch Kids ("first they're sour, then they're sweet"). Please refrain from consuming any more Sour Patch Kids, as an unnerving side effect has emerged (aside from colored tongues).

According to new research by our correspondent, TFMITW, Sour Patch Kids can cause tongue lacerations and rawness, similar to chemical burns or burns from extremely hot food items.

TFMITW knows this because, last night, as TFMITW was watching TV in bed, he ate approximately 26 Sour Patch Kids. The next morning, TFMITW woke up with severe "sugar burns" along his tongue. Additionally, nearly 20 hours later, TFMITW is still unable to taste.

Therefore, we recommend you avoid consuming Sour Patch Kids and monitor your children's eating habits.

Oooh, Awkward . . . .

I'm sitting in Sosnoff Lounge at Stern, which is this quasi-futuristic airport waiting room space. It's Friday, usually a slow day on campus, and a few people are setting up cameras for a photo shoot. In walks a female model, and the photographer introduces her to a guy who will be playing "her boyfriend." It was a very funny moment as these two fake lovebirds meet for some fancy Stern marketing materials. Neither of them look much like students.

Update: They are actually Stern undergraduates. That makes more sense -- everyone knows business school girls aren't actually that hot.

Update 2: I just signed a photo release and had my pic snapped a bunch of times. Now I might be in the undergraduate brochure.

Content Overload

So, why haven't I posted anything recently, and why have my ideas for drafts been overflowing? It's not that I don't have the time (I do) or that I'm using my time ineffectively (okay, maybe I am), it's because I have been completely overloaded with content of all types that I think my brain is on the verge of shutting down.

Have you ever thought about how much content is out there? I mean, really, really thought about it? Take ESPN. ESPN runs six networks now, included one dedicated to 24-hour sporting news. Unfortunately, there's not too much going on right now (and especially last week). The NBA was shut down for All-Star Week (or the Hip-Hop Woodstock, depending on your point of view). As an aside, this is one of my favorite stories from that weekend. What exactly does $81,000 in cash look like? Does Louis Vuitton make a wallet big enough for all that scrilla? And who really needs to spend $81,000 at a strip club, especially an NFL player who could probably get it for free?

To keep up with the frantic pace of 24-hour reporting, I think ESPN resorted to manufacturing stories. Seriously, leading off SportsCenter with a story about Sylvester Stallone and his suspected steroid use? That's all they could come up with?

It's not just television, either: content has exploded on the Internet, and so have the ways to capture this content. First bookmarking was good enough. Then came XML, RSS, feed burner and del.ic.ious. Last week, I was skimming a few of the blogs I frequent, and they all contained links to more blogs, which contained links to other blogs and articles, which contained, well, you get the point. Do people actually read all this stuff?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I couldn't imagine it any other way. It's kind of like thinking about how in the world you would meet up with friends before cell phones and everything else. The wife and I were relatively out of touch last weekend, staying in a small town in Vermont with no internet connectivity (I didn't even bring my laptop, mainly because I wanted to stay as far away from school as possible, midterms be damned). While in Vermont, we missed MAJOR news stores, like Britney shaving her head. However, by the time we got back to digital civilization, it wasn't a story anymore. Luckily for us, she proceeded on her merry-go-round tour of rehab centers, so she's back in the limelight again, and I'm caught up with the world.

Wait, I'm not caught up anymore. In the 10 minutes it took to write this, I'm sure something major has happened, or has been rehashed, or has been completely made up, like the young NYU Republican's Find the Immigrant game, or the rats in the KFC/Taco Bell in the West Village, or the guy that broke down his neighbor's door to look for a girl, instead finding his neighbor watching porn, or . . .

On second thought, maybe the news doesn't need to make up stories. I just saw this headline on CNN: Senior Citizen in Costa Rica Kills Mugger with Bare Hands.

Quote of the Day

Sadly, for my initial quote of the day, I'm using Starbucks as a source. I don't frequent Starbucks, but every once in a while I grab a quick coffee and take in the "atmosphere." The two Starbucks I go to -- at Christopher and 7th and right by Washington Square -- have absolutely afwul atmosphere. The Christopher location was probably a cool restaurant at some point, a restaurant which has long been pushed out by Starbuck's mission of global dominance. Each morning that I visit, there is a guy there who looks like a certain Robert Van Winkle (who may be better known as Vanilla Ice). I'm not sure what he is doing, but in my story about the guy, Starbucks is his office. Anyway, the atmosphere at this Starbucks feels forced: the space is too big, the tables too random and the lack of couches too apparent.

The Washington Square Starbucks, on the other hand, has plenty of room to lounge (or study, since it is smack dab in the middle of NYU's territory). I've never been to this location when the line was less than 15 people, and on a recent visit, the line streched about 45 people. So long, in fact, that one of the cashiers donned some headphones and started taking orders well in advance of the customer's arrival at the registers (I'm not sure if this was initiative or standard practice, but it was a welcome attempt at shortening the wait). Though the atmosphere of this Starbucks is better, what makes it absolutely unbearable are the undergraduates that see Starbucks as a sort of daytime club, a place to see and be seen. In fact, while I was waiting in a 45-person line, I looked around and found perhaps my favorite "New Yorker" since I moved here. He was a college student, probably 20 or 21, and in the appropiately trendy way, he was wearing a bunch of layered shirts (3? 4? Admittedly, it was cold, but he had way too many collars to pop), two or three chains around his neck, perfectly torn jeans, some retro sneakers and disheleveled frosted spikey hair (a la Ryan Seacrest in the early Idols). But my favorite part of the look, the part that caused me to call my wife to make fun of him, was his face.

Yes, this young man was whipping out Blue Steel. Constantly. And trying to impress the ladies with his flawless turning ability. It was an amazing moment in my life.

Now, let me get to that quote I've been saving. The quote was on my cup the day I ran into Mr. Blue Steel. Normally, these "The Way I See It" quotes are some useless drivel from some Starbucks customer somewhere who thinks we need to do more to save the environment, or be nicer to people, or something else that I don't really agree with. But this quote was different. It was from someone of whom I have heard -- the former lead singer of Soul Coughing, at that. And it was a quote with which I agree:

The Way I See It #158
"It's tragic the way extremists co-opt the notion of God, and that hipsters and artists reject spirituality out of hand. I don't have a fixed idea of God. But I feel that it's us--the messed-up, the half-crazy, the burning, the questing--that need God, a lot more than the goody-two-shoes do."--Mike Doughty, Musician

At the newly-turned age of 27, I'm still working on my definition of God and spirituality. I believe in higher power, but I make fun of my share of the "Oh My, the Lord has truly healed me!" believers. I believe the best way for some to find their spirituality is to quest for it, to discover it for oneself, and to discover it within oneself.

The Wal-Mart MBA

Business is about reality. But business school is about theory. At least, it is supposed to be about theory. Instead, I've come to realize that you can answer every question in business school the same way: "It depends."

What does it depend upon? What you are studying at the time. What is going on in business at that time. And most importantly, what case you are reading (or have read in the past in another class and are able to steal the teacher's learning points). A few companies are consistently cited as examples of stellar companies, but there is always the "It" company of the moment. For years, the "It" company was General Electric. Everyone loved GE and loved Jack Welch. Later in the 90s, I'm sure it was a tech company of some sort, an Intel or Microsoft. Now, that company is Wal-Mart.

I have learned about Wal-Mart's corporate strategy, marketing strategy, supply chain strategy and financial strategy. It seems that Wal-Mart can be an acceptable example for anything the professor throws at you. Operational efficiency. Culture. Management and motivation. Innovation. Marketing. Success. Even labor issues, bad politics, corporate malfeasance, environmental indifference and sociological implications. Like its superstores, Wal-Mart has it all.

Now, we still talk about other great companies: for example, Lincoln Electric, the subject of a recent case, has been around since the late 1800s and was originally the subject of a HBS Case in the 1920s. GE gets mentioned occasionally, much less than an American Express or Apple these days (and I'm sure the recent flap over Home Depot's Bob Nardelli's severance package--he was a Welch acolyte--doesn't help), but isn't there a better company out there to study than Wal-Mart?

For every strength elucidated by a professor, there's a counter argument. Wal-Mart represents both the Americanization and un-Americanization of America. It represents the good and the bad of big business. It does so much, but it doesn't do nearly enough. It's definitely the most divisive company I've discussed here at school -- so much so that entire class sections (like one week of marketing) have been hijacked by a specific, Maine-educated individual who must believe that it is his mission to inform us all that Wal-Mart is the enemy, no matter which battle we are fighting.

And you know what? I don't care. I'm paying for a Wal-Mart MBA right now, and I don't care one bit about Wal-Mart. I just hope there's not a smiley face on my diploma.

Things I learned while watching the Today Show.

1. During the coldest week of the year, resort advertisers are getting meaner. Scottsdale, Bermuda, the Virgin Islands . . . these are the images on my screen at 8:17 am when it is 11 degrees outside here.

2. Natalie isn't the most professional -- she laughs during stories about breast augmentation, and she flashed the first lady during a fashion show.

3. Meridith might be a lush. The crew was talking about perfect dishes on a cold day--stew, vegtable soup, biscuits--and Meridith throws cocktails into the mix. On a morning show. Cocktails. Maybe I should spike my espresso.

Sleep Talking

My wife talks in her sleep. Not all the time; just occasionally - and especially after she's been asleep for an hour. Last night, I stayed up reading after she went to sleep. Dead asleep, she knows when I turn off the light, and that's her cue to start talking.

"Nonny Nonny, turn off the light, turn off the light, turn off the light."

(For some reason, she always says this three times).

Then, she rolls over to give me a kiss and reposition, and this is when the fun starts. She kept mumbling something, so I said "nugget" to see if she would repeat it. Yup. Same with "cafe macchiato."

Then she actually started making sense. She told me not to worry. I said, "worry about what?" She said, "don't worry, it's under control - I have a secret security team."

I'm glad my wife dreams about secret security teams.

You need to bring more heat!

I've been bored lately. Before this week (when classes finally started up again), I've been going stir crazy. Since returning from Arizona over the holidays, I haven't done much. Christy works, I sleep in, watch TV, go for a walk, and cook a gourmet dinner. I've been so bored, I have even watched the exact same SportsCenter twice in a row, in addition to countless hours of CNBC (to prepare for interviews). I've watched Back to the Future 2, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and Awesome, I Fuckin' Shot That!, among other movies. But now I've got a new favorite, something I watch multiple times per week, just to read into all the different levels.

Yes, I've become addicted to The (White) Rapper Show. It's brilliant, it really is. I think Sullee or 100 Proof will pull it out, but there might be some competition from Jus Rhyme and John Brown, AKA the King of the Burbs. Persia, she'll be the next one out, leaving a bunch of dudes (all she can do is battle rap; she needs to learn there's much more to it than that). And even though she couldn't rap, I miss Misfit. The characters on this show are great. There's a girl named G-Child who is probably all of four and a half feet tall. She's from Detroit, and her idol is Vanilla Ice. That went over well with the producers.

Speaking of the producers, the two main personalities on this show are MC Serch and Prince Paul. Serch calls himself "the legendary MC Serch." I haven't followed his career lately, but I'm not sure if slinging a few singles back with 3rd Base qualifies as "legendary." But Price Paul, there's a legend. I'm a big Handsome Boy Modeling School fan.

I wish I could find the "You need to bring more heat" barbershop post, but here's a quick clip.

Things I did last night, in order

1. Watched the second half of National Lampoon's Vacation.

2. Watched the first half of National Lampoon's Vacation.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mr. Diabolical H. Crazy

Music thoughts while drinking one night in September (possibly on my anniversary): Radiohead's "Creep" (quiet/loud/quiet/loud) marked the end of the Nirvana/Pearl Jam grunge years. It's a perfect example of a band imitating the current sound (because don't all bands start as cover bands?) before moving the musical genre forward.

U2 is becoming this generation's Rolling Stones, and our children may in fact see them open for the Stones in 25 years.

Some thoughts on Buddhism: It's interesting that man is born impure, as opposed to the lack of original sin found in Catholicism. Buddhism seems like a journey to improve oneself. Be careful with these thoughts, because this comes from a person whose exposure to Buddhism include 1) living across the street from Richard Gere's private Buddhist library, and 2) stealing the Book of Buddha from a hotel in Los Angeles.

Thoughts on "The Departed": It should win a few Oscars. Don't make Jack angry.

Thoughts on the Golden Globes: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Globe for best actor goes to Eddie Murphy. Give it up for Eddie Murphy, starring next month in Norbit! He's got a great body of work, including Boomerang and Bowfinger. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Golden Globe Best Actor, Eddie Murphy!

Thoughts on New York: New York is different things to different people, but one thing is for sure: everyone has his or her own private love affair with this city.

However, the city puts you face to face with poverty and class differences on a daily basis. One block to the west stand striking glass towers that house (according to rumor) Calvin Klein and Gisele, among others. Three doorstoops to the east lies a homeless man who my wife and I refer to as "our bum." He sets up his bed shortly after dusk and leaves sometime before we leave the house. We worry when he's not there.

Thoughts on the Arcade Fire: Okay, they are a good band. And popular, too. But really, five shows in New York that sell out in under 10 minutes? What does one have to do to get tickets? (No, I didn't get tickets. Yes, I had multiple browsers/tabs and was working the phone.)

Thoughts on my birthday: It's coming up.

TFMITW Lists

Possible jobs held by the woman who lives on the fourth floor of the building across the street (according to my wife):

1. Doctor

2. Escort

3. Actress

4. Stewardess

Nitpick of the Week

What's the deal with alterations? I took some pants in today to get hemmed, and the lady asks when I need them by. So I say this week, and she says, "no, Monday." Why even ask me when I need the pants, when you are just going to tell me what fits your schedule. Plus, I just picked up a suit I dropped off before Christmas to get cleaned and have a button sewn on. Guess what? Still a spot on the suit and the button is still loose.

This Just In!

According to Mark, TFMITW's Tucson correspondent, New York City sidewalks are responsible for 33,000 deaths per year--sidewalks are the true "silent killer."*

I would like to inform Mark about a commercial I saw yesterday while waiting for a burrito: there are law firms, in this city, that specialize in sidewalk-related injuries. For 30 seconds, while the law firm's number scrolled along the bottom of the screen, I saw nothing but people falling into sidewalk grates and basement doors, or tripping on uneven sidewalks, potholes or curbs. It's too bad I didn't get the law firm's name, because I just stubbed my toe on Waverly and could use $15 for lunch.


*This is a fabricated statistic from our fabricated tour of New York in July. Other wonderful "nuggets" of wisdom passed along as facts include the fact that because of geographical separation, the squirrels in Central Park are a different species than the squirrels in Washington Square, and that the GAP store at South Street Seaport is the oldest GAP store in the nation, dating back to 1806 (and it was this GAP store that outfitted soldiers for the War of 1812).