Product Recall

IMPORTANT NOTICE

There has been a product recall on Sour Patch Kids ("first they're sour, then they're sweet"). Please refrain from consuming any more Sour Patch Kids, as an unnerving side effect has emerged (aside from colored tongues).

According to new research by our correspondent, TFMITW, Sour Patch Kids can cause tongue lacerations and rawness, similar to chemical burns or burns from extremely hot food items.

TFMITW knows this because, last night, as TFMITW was watching TV in bed, he ate approximately 26 Sour Patch Kids. The next morning, TFMITW woke up with severe "sugar burns" along his tongue. Additionally, nearly 20 hours later, TFMITW is still unable to taste.

Therefore, we recommend you avoid consuming Sour Patch Kids and monitor your children's eating habits.