Trim the Fat

After a random discussion with a coworker, we came up with a new plan for the country. In fact, I liked it so much, I’m proposing it as an official stance of the Birthday Party (Mark, are you still out there?). With the population of the U.S. at 300 million, give or take, I think it’s time to trim the fat. New Mexico? Gone. Back to Old Mexico. North Dakota and South Dakota as separate states? Is the necessary? Throw ‘em together. In fact, combine them and throw together a package deal with Canada that includes northern Minnesota and Michgan’s upper peninsula. Alaska? We actually pay people to live there. Please. Take it. Or at least demote it to commonwealth status like Puerto Rico.

I think we can simplify even more. Who needs 50 states? Do you remember how hard it was to memorize all the capitals? How does 10 or 15 states sound? Combine all the little ones in the northeast into the O.C. (original colonies). Then, we throw everything below the Mason-Dixon line into three groups – the South, the Deep South and Florida. I also like the idea of creating a Mid, a Mid-West and a West. Clump the northwest into “IdaWashGon” and you don’t lose much. Rename Nevada as Las Vegas, and expand the legalized gambling area. In fact, I think the state Las Vegas should annex Utah. Finally, Texas is Texas, because, hey, no one messes with it.

Then, we elect leaders in a tiered structure, so people need to climb into the top ranks of government. Been a mayor? Good, now run for county seat. Done with that? Jump to Governor, then Representative. Hang out there for a while, and then run for the top office, which I am hereby renaming the Grand Poohbah.

Actually, I don’t really care — though I still think we should combine North and South Dakota, as North and South Carolina and Virginia and West Virginia. I still think we need to lose New Mexico, though. How does an even trade with Mexico sound, with us getting Baja? Let’s all meet in Cabo. I really need a vacation.