I'm just mad that the Stranglers weren't higher.
Anyway, with one of the Gallagher brothers' claims that Oasis is bigger than the Beatles, and John Lennon's claim that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, where does Oasis now fit on the scale?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Trim the Fat
After a random discussion with a coworker, we came up with a new plan for the country. In fact, I liked it so much, I’m proposing it as an official stance of the Birthday Party (Mark, are you still out there?). With the population of the U.S. at 300 million, give or take, I think it’s time to trim the fat. New Mexico? Gone. Back to Old Mexico. North Dakota and South Dakota as separate states? Is the necessary? Throw ‘em together. In fact, combine them and throw together a package deal with Canada that includes northern Minnesota and Michgan’s upper peninsula. Alaska? We actually pay people to live there. Please. Take it. Or at least demote it to commonwealth status like Puerto Rico.
I think we can simplify even more. Who needs 50 states? Do you remember how hard it was to memorize all the capitals? How does 10 or 15 states sound? Combine all the little ones in the northeast into the O.C. (original colonies). Then, we throw everything below the Mason-Dixon line into three groups – the South, the Deep South and Florida. I also like the idea of creating a Mid, a Mid-West and a West. Clump the northwest into “IdaWashGon” and you don’t lose much. Rename Nevada as Las Vegas, and expand the legalized gambling area. In fact, I think the state Las Vegas should annex Utah. Finally, Texas is Texas, because, hey, no one messes with it.
Then, we elect leaders in a tiered structure, so people need to climb into the top ranks of government. Been a mayor? Good, now run for county seat. Done with that? Jump to Governor, then Representative. Hang out there for a while, and then run for the top office, which I am hereby renaming the Grand Poohbah.
Actually, I don’t really care — though I still think we should combine North and South Dakota, as North and South Carolina and Virginia and West Virginia. I still think we need to lose New Mexico, though. How does an even trade with Mexico sound, with us getting Baja? Let’s all meet in Cabo. I really need a vacation.
I think we can simplify even more. Who needs 50 states? Do you remember how hard it was to memorize all the capitals? How does 10 or 15 states sound? Combine all the little ones in the northeast into the O.C. (original colonies). Then, we throw everything below the Mason-Dixon line into three groups – the South, the Deep South and Florida. I also like the idea of creating a Mid, a Mid-West and a West. Clump the northwest into “IdaWashGon” and you don’t lose much. Rename Nevada as Las Vegas, and expand the legalized gambling area. In fact, I think the state Las Vegas should annex Utah. Finally, Texas is Texas, because, hey, no one messes with it.
Then, we elect leaders in a tiered structure, so people need to climb into the top ranks of government. Been a mayor? Good, now run for county seat. Done with that? Jump to Governor, then Representative. Hang out there for a while, and then run for the top office, which I am hereby renaming the Grand Poohbah.
Actually, I don’t really care — though I still think we should combine North and South Dakota, as North and South Carolina and Virginia and West Virginia. I still think we need to lose New Mexico, though. How does an even trade with Mexico sound, with us getting Baja? Let’s all meet in Cabo. I really need a vacation.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Maybe We're Finally Catching Up to Europe
Apparently, this commercial might never make it to TV, but I thought I would share it with you. It almost makes me want that . . . wait, what is this commercial for?
By the way, my favorite part is when Paris is crawling on the ground and you can see her ribs, and then she takes a bite of the burger. That's hot. I bet that held her over for a week.
By the way, my favorite part is when Paris is crawling on the ground and you can see her ribs, and then she takes a bite of the burger. That's hot. I bet that held her over for a week.
Friday, May 20, 2005
See any resemblance?
When I was a kid, I found my dad's old expired passport from the early 80s and was convinced my dad looked like a terrorist in pictures (FULL DISCLOSURE: He is not). At the time, it made sense. I was 5 and I had no clue what my dad did. He used to travel more for business, as well.
However, as I was waking up this morning, I saw this picture flashed on the T.V. and I'm starting to wonder again. Could my dad be Saddam Hussein?
However, as I was waking up this morning, I saw this picture flashed on the T.V. and I'm starting to wonder again. Could my dad be Saddam Hussein?
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Girls, Comedy, Sports, Music: Maxim Radio is the Best Thing to Happen to Men . . . Since Women Used to Kick You in the Crotch
Random thoughts:
On the Suns: At the game last night, I was worried. And from the tension in the arena for the first three quarters, so was everyone else. I think the Suns were even worried, like they psyched themselves out during the first half. Even though the Suns finally pulled out the victory, they trailed at the end of each of the first three quarters.
Somewhere along the line (during the second half), I began thinking the ultimate in NBA conspiracy theories: that Steve Nash, despite a $60 million contract from the Suns, was still on Mark Cuban’s payroll and was being paid to throw the series. Despite his triple-double, some of his decisions were suspect and he finished the game with five turnovers. I think most of the turnovers came near the end of the third quarter, when the game was tight, and ended up in some fast-point baskets for the Mavs. On one hand, I could see some logic to this — after all, this was Steve Nash’s old team and Dallas surely knew his moves. However, I think if anyone in the NBA has the balls to let his best player leave the team uncompensated, sign with a conference rival and pay him to throw a possible playoff series — it's Mark Cuban.
We’ll see. There’s still two games left, and I think both can go either way. One thing I do know is that based on his last two games, Nash definitely deserved the MVP award.
On new music: Lately I’ve been listening to a wide range of music, thanks to Sirius and my iPod. The new Beck CD is great, and I rediscovered some older albums by Sonic Youth, Harvey Danger, Ben Kweller and the Smashing Pumpkins that are outstanding — especially “Pisces Iscariot” by the Pumpkins. Recent CD purchases include the new Beck, the new Weezer, Tegan and Sara, Louis XIV, the Zutons and the Kings of Leon. With the exception of the Kings of Leon, I haven’t been disappointed. I’ve also been granted access to a coworker’s server with about 120 gigs of music, though our tastes don’t directly overlap (in addition to early rips of the as-of-now-not-released Gorillaz CD, he has some Siouxsie and the Banshees and a stash of gothic porn).
There is so much music out there right now that I’m continually adding to my wish list. I generally maintain a three song rule; that is, if I like three songs on the CD (that I’ve heard on the radio or downloaded or something like that) I buy the CD to support the artist. So, for absolutely no reason at all, here’s a list of what I’m listening to right now (generally via satellite radio as I haven’t purchased anything yet):
CDs that meet my three-song rule that I want to buy:
Sage Francis
!!!
LCD Soundsystem
Dub Pistols
CDs close to my three-song rule:
Sondre Lerche
Emeliana Torrini
The Roots – Phrenology (an older one)
Dresdon Dolls
Interpol
N.E.R.D. – In Search of (the first one) and Clones (with the song Frontin’ with Jay-Z. By the way, if anyone likes this song, I strongly recommend Jamie Cullum, a twentysomething British jazz singer who does a great version of this)
Other bands I’m listing to on my iPod:
The Mars Volta
Thievery Corporation
Atmosphere
Led Zeppelin (my iPod is called Zeppelin, after all)
Ryan Adams
The Clash
Deltron 3030 and Quannum Spectrum
DJ Shadow
Pretty Girls Make Graves
The Postal Service
If anyone has some recommendations for other music, please let me know and leave a comment. I just purchased an external hard drive and am looking to fill it up. I still don’t understand why radio stations can’t figure out that people listen to a huge mix of music. Is it just me, or who can stand listening to the same station all the time. David Byrne figured it out — this is one of the coolest playlists I have ever seen.
On why Maxim Radio sucks: There is a station on Sirius called Maxim Radio, and it is supposed to bring magazine to life. For example, last night they had a feature called “Bad Places to Barf” that included people calling in and talking about vomiting at work or on a cop’s feet. Tonight, they are asking people to call in if they have ever broken something during sex (meaning a body part, not something in the room). The DJs/hosts (Evan and Brian, Covino and Rich) are horrible – they are obviously early-30s tools who weren’t cool enough to hang out with their older brothers when they were growing up. Topics and conversations are easily the SHALLOWIST that I have ever heard — and I used to hang out on a sorority floor. Then, every once in a while, they need a break so they play a song, some horrible, easily forgettable piece of manly guitar pop crap that sounds like everything else – Hoobastank, Nickelback, 3 Doors Down and (this is the kicker) Limp Bizkit. I don’t know anyone who listened to Limp Bizkit when they were relevant (where they ever?) and I sure as hell don’t know anyone who cares about the Nookie now. Please take a second to read some of Fred Durst’s semi-intelligent ramblings on his blog. Sadly, he doesn’t post photos of the Hollywood sluts he’s banged.
On the Suns: At the game last night, I was worried. And from the tension in the arena for the first three quarters, so was everyone else. I think the Suns were even worried, like they psyched themselves out during the first half. Even though the Suns finally pulled out the victory, they trailed at the end of each of the first three quarters.
Somewhere along the line (during the second half), I began thinking the ultimate in NBA conspiracy theories: that Steve Nash, despite a $60 million contract from the Suns, was still on Mark Cuban’s payroll and was being paid to throw the series. Despite his triple-double, some of his decisions were suspect and he finished the game with five turnovers. I think most of the turnovers came near the end of the third quarter, when the game was tight, and ended up in some fast-point baskets for the Mavs. On one hand, I could see some logic to this — after all, this was Steve Nash’s old team and Dallas surely knew his moves. However, I think if anyone in the NBA has the balls to let his best player leave the team uncompensated, sign with a conference rival and pay him to throw a possible playoff series — it's Mark Cuban.
We’ll see. There’s still two games left, and I think both can go either way. One thing I do know is that based on his last two games, Nash definitely deserved the MVP award.
On new music: Lately I’ve been listening to a wide range of music, thanks to Sirius and my iPod. The new Beck CD is great, and I rediscovered some older albums by Sonic Youth, Harvey Danger, Ben Kweller and the Smashing Pumpkins that are outstanding — especially “Pisces Iscariot” by the Pumpkins. Recent CD purchases include the new Beck, the new Weezer, Tegan and Sara, Louis XIV, the Zutons and the Kings of Leon. With the exception of the Kings of Leon, I haven’t been disappointed. I’ve also been granted access to a coworker’s server with about 120 gigs of music, though our tastes don’t directly overlap (in addition to early rips of the as-of-now-not-released Gorillaz CD, he has some Siouxsie and the Banshees and a stash of gothic porn).
There is so much music out there right now that I’m continually adding to my wish list. I generally maintain a three song rule; that is, if I like three songs on the CD (that I’ve heard on the radio or downloaded or something like that) I buy the CD to support the artist. So, for absolutely no reason at all, here’s a list of what I’m listening to right now (generally via satellite radio as I haven’t purchased anything yet):
CDs that meet my three-song rule that I want to buy:
Sage Francis
!!!
LCD Soundsystem
Dub Pistols
CDs close to my three-song rule:
Sondre Lerche
Emeliana Torrini
The Roots – Phrenology (an older one)
Dresdon Dolls
Interpol
N.E.R.D. – In Search of (the first one) and Clones (with the song Frontin’ with Jay-Z. By the way, if anyone likes this song, I strongly recommend Jamie Cullum, a twentysomething British jazz singer who does a great version of this)
Other bands I’m listing to on my iPod:
The Mars Volta
Thievery Corporation
Atmosphere
Led Zeppelin (my iPod is called Zeppelin, after all)
Ryan Adams
The Clash
Deltron 3030 and Quannum Spectrum
DJ Shadow
Pretty Girls Make Graves
The Postal Service
If anyone has some recommendations for other music, please let me know and leave a comment. I just purchased an external hard drive and am looking to fill it up. I still don’t understand why radio stations can’t figure out that people listen to a huge mix of music. Is it just me, or who can stand listening to the same station all the time. David Byrne figured it out — this is one of the coolest playlists I have ever seen.
On why Maxim Radio sucks: There is a station on Sirius called Maxim Radio, and it is supposed to bring magazine to life. For example, last night they had a feature called “Bad Places to Barf” that included people calling in and talking about vomiting at work or on a cop’s feet. Tonight, they are asking people to call in if they have ever broken something during sex (meaning a body part, not something in the room). The DJs/hosts (Evan and Brian, Covino and Rich) are horrible – they are obviously early-30s tools who weren’t cool enough to hang out with their older brothers when they were growing up. Topics and conversations are easily the SHALLOWIST that I have ever heard — and I used to hang out on a sorority floor. Then, every once in a while, they need a break so they play a song, some horrible, easily forgettable piece of manly guitar pop crap that sounds like everything else – Hoobastank, Nickelback, 3 Doors Down and (this is the kicker) Limp Bizkit. I don’t know anyone who listened to Limp Bizkit when they were relevant (where they ever?) and I sure as hell don’t know anyone who cares about the Nookie now. Please take a second to read some of Fred Durst’s semi-intelligent ramblings on his blog. Sadly, he doesn’t post photos of the Hollywood sluts he’s banged.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
This might be one of the weirdest pictures I've ever seen
First there's news that Quentin Tarantino tried to slip through a beastiality joke on the season finale of CSI, and now this?
What is the world coming to?
What is the world coming to?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
100% Grade A, Top Choice Man
For the record, contrary to my posts, my friend Ryan is not gay.
I repeat: not gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I even have a picture of him with his girlfriend:
So not gay.
My friend Ryan is a tough, tough guy. He is scary. See? I found a picture of him looking scary. I thought he was going to carjack me or something.
Ryan is tough.
Doesn't that girl look scared to be with him? Why is that, I wonder?
Still, some of his actions in public are a little hard to explain. Seriously Ryan, why did you enter that banana eating contest in West Hollywood? And did you know if you rearrange they letters in your name, it spells "Anus as Merry"? How do you explain that?
I repeat: not gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I even have a picture of him with his girlfriend:
So not gay.
My friend Ryan is a tough, tough guy. He is scary. See? I found a picture of him looking scary. I thought he was going to carjack me or something.
Ryan is tough.Doesn't that girl look scared to be with him? Why is that, I wonder?
Still, some of his actions in public are a little hard to explain. Seriously Ryan, why did you enter that banana eating contest in West Hollywood? And did you know if you rearrange they letters in your name, it spells "Anus as Merry"? How do you explain that?
I Saw the Sign
One time, a long time ago, I tried to convice my wife that I was able to disassociate songs with the memories that went along with them. I think we had just started dating, and I said something like "I always used to listen to this song with my ex-girlfriend." It turned out that, early on, she had issues with my ex-girlfriends (well, one in particular). So did I, apparently. Anyway, I told her that I had no association between this song and my ex, and I maintained that position for a few years.
It turns out, not only do I strongly associate songs with people and moments but I associate some pretty strange songs with memories. What follows is sort of a "soundtrack of my life."
I remember beating my dad at foosball for the first time with Queen's "We are the Champions" in the background. Ironically, it was my dad's favorite song to listen to while playing foosball.
Billy Idol's "White Wedding" reminds me of my mom, and her description of her aerobics classes. "This is where it really got tough!" she would say. Christy can now tell this story by heart.
The first three years of my relationship with Christy could be summed up by a mix CD I made for her when she went to Spain that we affectionately dubbed "The Sex CD." Some Portishead ("Dummy"), a few songs from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack and some Dave Matthews ("Crash") can go a long way toward erasing a chasm of 5,000 miles.
Every time I hear a song - and I mean every single time - by Ace of Base, I think of my friend Ryan. He purchased that CD one day in Denver. To his credit, I think he also purchased Tom Petty's Greatest Hits the same day. Last night on my way home, I heard "All She Wants" and almost called him.
There's some random line in the Sublime song "Chico mi tipo" that reminds me of this guy Blake and a time when we were hanging in Phoenix driving around in his car when I was 15. I don't think I can type this line in this family-friendly environment, though.
More to come.
By the way, I recently invested in a set of wireless speakers (hooked up to my home stereo) and a cable to connect my iPod to my stereo. The iPod is amazing - and now I can annoy my wife and the neighbors with it.
It turns out, not only do I strongly associate songs with people and moments but I associate some pretty strange songs with memories. What follows is sort of a "soundtrack of my life."
I remember beating my dad at foosball for the first time with Queen's "We are the Champions" in the background. Ironically, it was my dad's favorite song to listen to while playing foosball.
Billy Idol's "White Wedding" reminds me of my mom, and her description of her aerobics classes. "This is where it really got tough!" she would say. Christy can now tell this story by heart.
The first three years of my relationship with Christy could be summed up by a mix CD I made for her when she went to Spain that we affectionately dubbed "The Sex CD." Some Portishead ("Dummy"), a few songs from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack and some Dave Matthews ("Crash") can go a long way toward erasing a chasm of 5,000 miles.
Every time I hear a song - and I mean every single time - by Ace of Base, I think of my friend Ryan. He purchased that CD one day in Denver. To his credit, I think he also purchased Tom Petty's Greatest Hits the same day. Last night on my way home, I heard "All She Wants" and almost called him.
There's some random line in the Sublime song "Chico mi tipo" that reminds me of this guy Blake and a time when we were hanging in Phoenix driving around in his car when I was 15. I don't think I can type this line in this family-friendly environment, though.
More to come.
By the way, I recently invested in a set of wireless speakers (hooked up to my home stereo) and a cable to connect my iPod to my stereo. The iPod is amazing - and now I can annoy my wife and the neighbors with it.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The NBA Playoffs as Star Wars Characters
The Spurs are easily Darth Vader. I don't know anyone who likes them, yet they are always coming out on top.
Shaq is like Yoda. His quotes are the best, and he went into hiding for a few seasons before coming back and kicking some ass.
Teams like the Wizards, the Bulls, the Nets, the Grizzlies and the Kings are like Storm Troopers - they don't really have any individual personality and no one really cares when they all get blown away.
Jeff Van Gundy (coach of the Rockets) is like Luke: a little whiney bitch. Who cares if everyone is fouling Yao? He's 7'6" - shouldn't we make the game a little tougher for him?
Steve Nash and the Suns are the Han Solo of the NBA: carefree, fast talking (and high scoring) but you never know if they will show up for the fight (i.e., no defense)
Ben Wallace is Chewbacca. Look at the pictures.
Plus, they last nearly as long. How long does it take to make six movies? About as long as it takes to decide the NBA's champ.
Shaq is like Yoda. His quotes are the best, and he went into hiding for a few seasons before coming back and kicking some ass.
Teams like the Wizards, the Bulls, the Nets, the Grizzlies and the Kings are like Storm Troopers - they don't really have any individual personality and no one really cares when they all get blown away.
Jeff Van Gundy (coach of the Rockets) is like Luke: a little whiney bitch. Who cares if everyone is fouling Yao? He's 7'6" - shouldn't we make the game a little tougher for him?
Steve Nash and the Suns are the Han Solo of the NBA: carefree, fast talking (and high scoring) but you never know if they will show up for the fight (i.e., no defense)
Ben Wallace is Chewbacca. Look at the pictures.
Plus, they last nearly as long. How long does it take to make six movies? About as long as it takes to decide the NBA's champ.
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