Gnarls Barkley is crazy . . . but is America crazy also?

Gnarls Barkley's debut hit the charts at #20 this week, much lower than I expected. The album has been a top-five hit in England for seven or eight weeks, so I had high expectations. After listening to the new Gnarls album several times, I'm pretty sure these guys are crazy--crazy original and crazy good. And after reviewing the 19 albums in front of St. Elsewhere, I'm pretty sure that America is crazy too. Let's review this week's top 20.

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium: Actually, I have no issues here. I haven't heard the album yet, but I sort of like Dani California as a single, mainly because of the kick-ass guitar solo (welcome back John Frusciante!). By the way, this is the Pepper's first #1 album, which I find hard to believe. Blood Sugar Sex Magik and Californication both peaked at #3, and By the Way hit #2 in 2002.

2. Nick Lachey - What's Left of Me: Middle aged man loses extremely hot girl (and a portion of fame as well). Apparently, not much is left. Exhibit #1 showing that America is crazy and a good excuse to post a picture of Jessica Simpson.

3. Tool - 10,000 Days: No issue here either. I haven't been a fan since Undertow, but I've heard they are better now than they were 10 years ago. And, they just performed at Gammage, which is an interesting choice for a hard rock band.

4. Jagged Edge - Jagged Edge: No clue. But from the cover, I think we can submit this as Exhibit #2.

5. The Isley Brothers feat. Ronald Isley - Baby Making Music: The Isley Brothers? Really? The same band that had a hit with "Shout" in 1959? Seriously? It's been more than 40 years since then. What does this say about the state of music today? Exhibit #3.

6. Rascal Flatts - Me and My Gang: I guess some people like modern country, so I'll give them a few slots in the top twenty. Still, the album should be My Gang and Me.

7. Soundtrack - High School Musical: It's a movie about Karaoke. It's from Disney. According to Billboard, "While the movie's soundtrack isn't exactly challenging, it does feature a pretty engaging mix of music and empowering messages, most of which can be found in earnest ballads." Hmmm, I'll pass, thanks. Exhibit #4

8. Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam: The band that fought TicketMaster. The band that put out 25 live recordings of the same tour. The band that put out three shitty albums on Epic to complete its contract, and then put out this album on its own. I love it. Let's make guacamole.

9. Various Artists - Now this is what I call Music 21: On the positive side, this keeps all those other crappy artists out of the top 20. On the negative side, this is one of the worst ongoing series ever. If you want to hear any of these songs (probably in the same order in which they appear on the album), turn on whatever top 40 pop station you can find. Exhibit #5.

10. James Blunt - Back to Bedlam: I'm torn on this one. I have the album, but I don't listen to it. Let's call this Exhibit #6, mainly because the people who are buying this album have probably only heard the edited version of "You're Beautiful" and think the song says ". . . flying high." They also think it is a love song. They are in for a surprise.

11. Bruce Springsteen - We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions: With this and the Isley Brothers, who knew the Boomers were still buying albums? Actually, maybe they are the only people still buying albums. Still, this seems like a fair spot for an American legend. But this leads me Bon Jovi's new album, which is an absolute debacle. First, the album cover is a stupid emoticon smiley face. Second, has anyone seen the video for "Let's Build a House" or whatever? Fine, the boys raised some money and built some houses. But did they really need to record a three-minute commercial for themselves--and then trick MTV and VH1 to play it? Exhibit #7 and #8 right here.

12. Andrea Bocelli - Amore: This could be counter-exhibit #1, as it is actually a traditional, non-pop album in America's top 20. Kudos.

13. Tim McGraw - Greatest Hits Volume 2: Reflected: Again, I'm open to country fans, but does Tim McGraw's career merit TWO greatest hits albums? Like the ex-Mr. Jessica Simpson, I think he's another guy famous for who he married. Exhibit #9, not for the country, but for the second greatest hits album.

14. Paul Simon - Surprise: Surprise! He's still alive! Great career, great songwriter, but can't he sit back and live off royalties? Or does he still record albums as a big "f-you" to Garfunkel? Another album propelled by the Boomer buyers.

15. Neil Young - Living With War: So, Neil Young records a protest album. How very 1971 of him. Maybe he can record another song about the shootings at Kent State, as well. I like generally like Neil Young, but I'm going to have to label this Exhibit #10 for unnecessary nostalgia.

16. Shakira - Oral Fixation Volume 2: Again with the multiple volumes. I'll tell you what Shakira's hips don't lie about--she can't sing, she can't dance, and she's not pretty. Stop shaking to cover up for your weaknesses. Exhibit #11.

17. Alan Jackson - Precious Memories: This album has precious memories of climbing up to the fourth spot, then slipping every week since then.

18. Toby Keith - White Trash With Money: Everyone who bought this album is white trash with less money. A 12-er of Natty Light would have been a better choice. Exhibit #12.

19. Godsmack - IV: I really hope this refers to intravenous, and not IV, like Led Zeppelin's perfect album IV. A heroin reference might make the album salvagable. Exhibit #13.

And with this, the prosecution rests. 19 albums, 11 direct violations and 13 exhibits. America is crazy (like I needed to tell you that).