[INSERT ZACH'S ORIGINAL STORY ABOUT BABYMOMMA AND BABYDADDY AND THEIR ENCOUNTER WITH THE MORMONS FROM OUTER SPACE....]
{GEORGE, mid twenties, goodlooking, reaches for the remote}
GEORGE: God, why does every fucking movie on Cinemax have to be a piece of shit!
[he channel surfs for a few moments, finally settling on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"]
GEORGE: Fuck yeah! Shannon Elizabeth!
{SFX: a telephone ring}
GEORGE: Hello?
VOICEOVER (FEMALE): Look Fuckhead! Mess with me again and I'll cut your fucking balls off!
Then?
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GEORGE: Good luck with that, Emily!
[Laughing, George hangs up the phone and returns to watching Conan. Conan is bashing Shannon for her ugly husband.]
{SFX: knocking on the apartment's door}
GEORGE: Who's there? (long pause) Emily? Who is it?
{SFX: phone rings}
GEORGE: Hello?
VOICEOVER (EMILY): I wouldn't answer that if I were you.
GEORGE: Why is that?
[then . . .
[NEW SCENE. Two guys, mid twenties, and one girl, mid twenties, eating in a Chicago-style pizzaria.]
JC: So do you guys like thin crust or deep dish?
SARA: Definitely thin. I like my pizza crunchy.
CHRIS: Yeah, thin is the way to go
JC: I think what type of pizza you like has a way of showing how deep your soul is. Take me, for example, I like really my pizza as deep as it comes - and I am pretty deep, too.
CHRIS: Man, if you're comparing yourself to a deep dish pizza, you've got problems.
JC: At least I don't still sleep with a blankie.
SARA: [surprised] You sleep with a blankie?!?! [baby talk] Is it your favorite?
CHRIS: Only when there's no one sleeping with me (nudges Sara).
[Suddenly, a man on a motorcycle crashes through the restaurant's front window, sliding to a stop and knocking over the table.]
END SCENE
[Back to George's apartment.]
[Joseph, being a big man, lowers his shoulder and knocks the door open. George drops the cordless phone, turns to run and hits a wall before falling down.]
JOSEPH: George, listen, I need your help.
GEORGE: Wha? Wha? [shaking head]
JOSEPH: My wife has been kidnapped by Mormons from outer space. (runs to television, with Conan and Shannon still on, and rips it out of the wall, smashing it on the ground) She wants to recruit more alien wives for me so we can procreate a new colony.
GEORGE: Wha? What are you talking about? Are you sure YOU haven't been kidnapped by Mormons?
JOSEPH: No, listen. It's the Mormons. They're in it with the aliens. I got a pamphlet in the mail the other day, from Pueblo, Colorado. It's entitled "Do you know what the Mormons are doing to our soil." Now, George, if you look at the soil around any large US city with a sizable Mormon population - Mesa, Arizona, perfect example. Look at the soil around Mesa. You can't build on it, you can't grow anything in it. The government says it's due to poor farming, but I know what's really going on. It's the Mormons. They're in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for Mormon aliens all around the west coast. I swear to God. And they recruited Shannon to help.
[George looks at Joseph, quizically.]
Then?
GEORGE: Ok. What do you need me to do?
- cut to pizza place –
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE gets up from the floor of the pizza parlour, dusting glass and debris off of him. He removes his helmet revealing his identity to the shocked patrons.
JC: Holy shit! It’s Justin!
CHRIS: What are you doing here man?
JUSTIN: We don’t have much time. Chris, is that your H2 in the parking lot?
CHRIS: Yes. Why?
JUSTIN: Keys!
- Chris tosses him the keys. Justin turns and walks out the window he has just crashed through. JC, Chris, and Sara chase behind him. They have no choice but to get into the Hummer with him as they continue talking:
JC: Dude, what is going on?
JUSTIN: We need to get the band back together.
JC: What?!
CHRIS: (quietly) Yes! I knew it!
JUSTIN: Listen, I’m as surprised as you are, but there is something bigger at stake here than our careers. Something more important than money or fame. Something more important than our own lives. (beat) Now let's go get Lance and Joey.
then?
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