Simpsons psychic?

Did the Simpsons episode on Sunday night really feature a fight between ice skaters and the Utah Jazz? And did that fight really air the night after the NBA brawl between Denver and New York?

I know these episodes are drawn up about a year in advance, but Sunday's show seemed pretty current --- or eerily premonitious?

Civil War Thoughts

Not that I'm a Civil War buff, but I'd like to raise an interesting theory.

Jefferson Davis is Bizarro Abe Lincoln. Look at the photo on the left. That's Jefferson Davis. Or is it a clean-shaven Abe Lincoln? Tough to tell.

Both men were reportedly cold and stand-offish, but I think Davis was a mythical villain whose reputation was doomed by history (the victor writes the history texts, after all).

Here's another thought. Would Davis have changed his title from President to something more fun (bizarro) like Count if the South had won? To me that's a great question that history, unfortunately, has left unanswered.

Quick Thoughts on a Cold Day

I knew it would happen sooner or later, but winter's finally here today (I know it starts on the 21st, but I'm telling you, it's here today). Still, despite the cold outside, I was wearing shorts and flip flops in my apartment this morning because it's about 85 inside. At least I have that going for me. Here's what's going on in my head today.

Intraday Lows: Today's forecast called for a high of 32 with a low of 20. Fine. Then why was the temperature 16 when I left my apartment? Shouldn't that be the new low?

Green Ice: If you've ever walked around New York City, I'm sure you've seen the infamous green water puddles all around the city, even on days with no rain. I certainly do not want to know what is in the green water, but today I did learn that green water makes green ice. At least I can eliminate my antifreeze theory for the green puddles.

Lost and Found: Even in the cold, I saw a coconut shell and husk in Washington Square Park this morning. I couldn't help but wonder how it got there. Maybe a swallow carried it. Well, it would have to be an African swallow because African swallows are larger. But then again, African swallows are non-migratory. So how did it get there?

Scaffolding: I just thought I'd pass along the update that the scaffolding is coming down. I feel bad for those guys out there working in the cold and wind today.

Fergie = She's All That: I've complained about Fergie before, but I have a new theory. I saw her on TV today performing in the Big in 2006 Awards or whatever on VH1. So, she joined the Black Eyed Peas, ruined the band and then went out on her own, and I found myself thinking, maybe Fergie is like the movie "She's All That." You know, Will.i.am and some friend make a bet to make a superstar out of one of the ugliest, least talented women in pop music. And somehow they succeeded. I just hope Will.i.am can sleep at night after unleashing this monstrosity on us. At this point, he's more like Dr. Frankenstein than a top-notch producer.

America is Lazy

Yes, I said it. Shocking. Now that we are the fattest nation on the planet, we might as well relish it.

That's why I love this new product from Black & Decker: electric scissors. What, we can't open and close our hands anymore?

I love how one online review makes this sound like the most groundbreaking product since sliced bread (which, incidentally is not sliced with scissors. At least Black & Decker already has an electric knife for this difficult task.). Here's a snippet from the review:

When it comes to cutting thin material like paper, cloth, carpet or tile, scissors are great; they are much easier to control than razor knives and far safer. The only problem is that they can be very hard on the hands if you have to cut more than a little bit. If only there was a way to get the accuracy and control of scissors without the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome that comes with them. This is exactly why the sultans of slice at Black and Decker came out with their 3.6 Volt Cordless Power Scissors, the ultimate in portable cutting technology.

Yes, the ultimate portable cutting technology. What is even funnier to me is the current advertising campaign. You see, last night on NBC, I saw an ad suggesting one purchase these electric scissors as a Christmas present. How did the commercial demonstrate this portable cutting technology? By cutting wrapping paper! This seems like a chicken-and-egg problem: wouldn't the scissors be MORE helpful before you wrapped your presents, rather than on Christmas day?

Also, who cuts tile with scissors?