Catching up (and my 100th post)

It's been a busy, busy week, ladies and gentlemen. We've hosted my wife's brother in our apartment for a week. He left today, and now her sister is coming for a week, arriving tomorrow. I've also been reading up some research reports, getting ready for . . .


(wait for it)


(wait for it)


. . . My last day of work! I'm doing three days of meetings this week, mainly with clients that are up for renewal. After that, I'm done: my wife and I will both be officially unemployed in the most expensive city in the country (however, there's a good chance she could land a job offer in the next three days; fingers crossed). My short-term goal is making it through the next three days; we've got six or seven meetings scheduled each day, and the mercury is supposed to reach 100 on Tuesday and Wednesday. At least we are going to Greenwich on Tuesday, so hopefully the temperature will be cooler. Otherwise, it will be an unhappy Diabolical running around the city in my dark suit. Also, I lost all my ties during my move, so my professional wardrobe is seriously limited these days; I may have to wear the same tie each day.

However, it was a very happy Diabolical last night. After a delicious and relatively inexpensive dinner at 'Ino (worth the wait, except for the air conditioner that kept spitting on us), we hit up what might be my favorite bar in the city so far, a speakeasy called the Little Branch (here's a good link too). We slipped in to a cozy booth and obeyed the rules. The cocktails were perfect, served with a large block of hand-picked ice that melted slowly and kept the drink chilled without watering it out. The consensus favorite was the Silver Lining, but the Gold Rush and Gin-Gin Mule were equally delicious, in my opinion.

We then hopped a cab to the East Village to see a friend of a friend's band at Mo's. Here, there were no rules, so the wife and her friend had the opportunity to star-fuck Adam Brody.

Recent movie pitches

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

"So, Warner Brothers has a super hero movie. We need to get one"

"There's not enough time."

"Universal has a romantic comedy with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anisten."

"It's too late; all we can get is Luke Wilson."

"I've got it--we do a romantic super hero comedy! It will kill!"

Snakes on a Plane

[scene: two writers pitching a movie. Studio exec rejects first 8 ideas.]

"So, we've got one other idea."

"You've got 30 seconds."

"Okay then, what about an action movie about snakes."

"But that's been done before."

"Yeah, but these snakes aren't on the ground, they are in the sky."

"In the sky--in a plane."

"Yeah, snakes on a plane."

"Yeah, there are snakes on this plane--think Anaconda meets Air Force One.

"And both of those grossed, like, $200 million each."

"And we've got Samuel L. Jackson signed on, too."

Done.

We found ourselves . . .

in a bit of a rainstorm last night and decided to walk home.

Lost

Yesterday, in the meatpacking district, I came to a fork in the road. I didn't know which way to go.

Recut into a whole new movie

I actually pay attention to commercials. I don't know why; maybe because they actually bother me. I notice things. Why does each new drug sound exactly like the disease it is treating? Why is that damn credit score guy ("I'm thinking of a number . . . It's your credit score!) sound so freakin' excited? Why is Rachel Harris in every commercial?

What I've noticed recently--and actually been highly amused by, in fact--is the difference between movie promos: those cut for the initial premiere and those re-cut for the DVD release. In most cases, the re-cut makes it look like a whole new movie. Did the production company learn when the original release bombed? For example, Failure to Launch, with Matthew McConaughey, looked like a decent date movie during the initial trailers (they played up the manly, fun, Terry Bradshaw angle to get men to buy in). However, the DVD came out, and the re-cuts clearly played up to the chick flick angle. Maybe the movie didn't put that many men into theater seats.

Usually, I think the re-cut is a decent and reflects a whole new way to market the movie (or its completely random and pretty effin funny). I just watched the re-cut DVD commercial for Bench Warmers. I have to hand it to those guys. I didn't think they could do it, but they actually took a horrible movie and made it look even worse. When I saw the initial previews, I was thinking to myself, I would watch this on a plane or on a weekday afternoon with nothing else on. But now, I'm skipping the movie completely.

I just hope my friend Gil didn't do this re-cut.

Long Beach . . . not that far but a world away

The wife and I and two friends escaped the heat today by taking the LIRR from Penn Station out to Long Beach. There, we joined the crowds paying $7 per person to get onto the beach and clear out our own little four foot by six foot area. I've never seen a beach so crowded--it was a chore to walk between the towels to get into the water. We left a two-foot gap between the next towel over, and that even filled up within minutes.

Still, the beach was a relief after the ride out there. I'm becoming more sympathetic to these rants about riders on the LIRR. The girl in the seat directly behind mine, or actually in front, because I was sitting backwards, talked about the most inane subjects the entire ride, getting progressively louder as the ride went on.

"I mean, I'm a good test taker, but I was so nervous about my driver's test."
"I didn't even study for the GRE, but I got a really good score, good enough to get me into NYU or Loyola, but I didn't go."
"I want to get an MBA, but I don't want to take the GMAT because I'm not good at math. Wait, that's not true. I don't want to take the GMAT because I actually want to go to law school."
"I want to study law at an international school for one year, to get all the legal shit out of the way."
"I have a passion for my JD."
"I sent my passport application in last week, and I know I'll get my passport next Thursday, so I'm not worried."
"The last time I got my passport, in the 90s, I paid like $80. This time I paid $100 and got it expedited, so I know it will come next week."
"I don't know about three years of law school. Maybe I'll go part time. It's only $14,000 per year and I can totally afford that, plus sock away a little extra cash."
"Do you like my new cell phone? What do you mean you've seen it before. It's brand new."
"My review is next week, and I think I'm due for a big raise. And I mean big. I think I could even crack $100,000, which is like doubling my salary."
"Should I tell my boss I want to move to California?"
"How much did houses cost in the 1980s? I mean nice houses? Did any house cost more than $1 million? I should have bought a house when I was really young."

And so it went, on and on, for an hour. I had to put my iPod on halfway through, and I could still hear her, interrupting my Stairway to Heaven.

What happened to the generation gap?

I think the Generation Gap closed over the years. What was a small problem during the 50s grew into a giant chasm in the late 60s and early 70s, eventually expanding into a cultural revolution as well. However, momentum slowed during the 80s and 90s, as generation X, Y and Z melded together. We now have the advent of hip parents and grey-haired indie hipsters.

However, with technology, I think there is even more than a generation gap. I think there is a intra-generation gap as well. I perceive a big difference in behavior and information level between me and those five or ten years younger than me, and I can only imagine the gap between these kids and their parents. Digital-only Myspace friends, instant messaging, text dating . . . I am baffled by these things. I use Myspace for the same thing as everyone else: digitally stalking old friends and girlfriends.

World Cup Street Fighter

Wait for E. Honda's appearance . . . I'm just disappointed he didn't use his hundred hand slap.

Shoe salesman, used car salesman, gym membership salesman

So goes the hierarchy of employment options. Joining a gym is such a hassle. We went to Crunch and told the guy we worked out at a Bally's in Arizona. He then proceeded to show me how to use every machine: "Um, this is a bench, you can use it for bench press, or other presses, or even press free weights."

I went to New York Sports Club next and got a really quick tour. What was interesting is that the initiation fee was $400 but the guy could cut it to $150. Why not just tell me that the fee is $150? And his excuse every time? "I'd give you a bigger discount, but the computer won't let me."

Equinox, however, was nice. The girl who showed us around was very nice, more concerned friend than saleswoman. The facility is amazing. It's about 50% more per month, but I think it might be worth it to work out in a gym so nice--so nice in fact that I might even shower and shave there, since my bathroom is so small in my apartment.

Diabolical H. Griswold

I'm a Griswold. There, I said it. It's taken three years and about $10,000 in psychiatric fees to get to this point (or just a recent viewing of National Lampoons Vacation with my wife). I've heard a few of the jokes before--the thousands of Christmas lights on the house being the most common--but after recently watching three of the Vacation movies (the original, European and Christmas, which for some mysterious reason was on TV in April), I realized how eerily similar my childhood was to growing up Griswold.

First, there's the father figures, Clark W. Griswold and my father. Except for the mustache and the fact that Clark dealt with his thinning hair much better than my father did, Clark and my father appear physically similar, especially in the original Vacation movie. In fact, my dad still looks like Clark circa Vacation: poor combover, extremely short shorts, ambiguously patterned short-sleeve button-up shirts, and early 80s baseball hats with an unusually high bridge. My mom and Ellen are both small, blonde women with infinite patience.

Then, there were the family trips we took. We drove to Oregon to visit the family nearly every summer; there were also road trips through Vegas, northern California and to Disneyland (luckily, we flew to Disneyworld, although we didn't actually get to go to Disneyworld because it wasn't educational. So we went to Epcot. Epcot sucks.). Our vehicle of choice for these early trips was a wood-paneled Jeep Cherokee, not too dissimilar from the station wagon. Instead of Europe, we did Mexico, which presented its own unique situations.

Finally, there are the Vacation circumstances and goings-on that nearly mirror some of my family trips. For example, in Vacation, Clark jumps the car off a ledge and is taken by the repair shop for all his money. For gas and other expenses, he is forced to dip into Audrey's babysitting money. Clark's credit cards wouldn't work because Ellen's had been stolen and they called in to cancel them. When driving from Oregon to northern California, my mom lost her purse and my dad cancelled all the cards, including his. Luckily, my sister had made about $200 selling fruit and lemonade at the beach, and we were able to find a place to stay. Instead of stealing money from a hotel at the Grand Canyon, I think we walked out on a meal or something (my dad was always into the dine and dash).

There are the family road trips to the middle of nowhere. The zany relatives showing up at random times. The flirting with sales women (and the harassing of waitresses, which might be unique to my dad). Again, the Christmas lights--though I did most of the legwork on that while Russ somehow lucked out and stayed inside. The bickering with my sister. The unique cultural experiences on our international trips ("When in Rome, my good man"). The trips to Vegas where my dad played Keno at breakfast. My sister getting in trouble for gambling underage, way underage, when she was 10. My dad and Clark eventually losing their minds in some sort of temporary insanity, when all they wanted to do was show their families a good time. The Griswolds faced temptation and renewed their vows. My parents renewed their vows, too, though I can't vouch for the other part.

In some ways, I think my dad exceeds the zaniness of Clark Griswold. He is always yelling for someone to come help, even when we are feet away--much like Clark's constant "Russ?!". However, he will yell for anyone, not just his son. On the way to Wallyworld, the family stays at a motel (the one where Clark jumps in a pool with Christie Brinkley). Russ and Aubrey got their own room, which would have been unprecedented in my family. On our family's trip to Disneyland, my sister did get her own room--except it was a rollaway bed in a walk-in closet!

To capture these moments and more, I've started a side blog. I know, ridiculous, I barely blog on this page as it is. But you'll see. You'll all see. Give me a few days and start checking Tales of the Ricker. I'll make it worth your while.

Random Thought

Why are earrings called earrings, even though they don't always go around the ear? Shouldn't they be ear studs?

Bored in Raleigh-Durham

I'm sitting in an airport in Raleigh-Durham after going to a close friend's wedding in Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina. It's weird to think that I'm flying home to New York; I had the same feeling last week when I flew back from a business trip in Boston. Despite this, I am a big fan of the east coast so far.

Fashion is definitely different here - besides the cutting edge trends, I am amazed by how many people look like they stepped out of a J. Crew or LL Bean catalog. In the city, sandals and shorts label you as a tourist, but it is so hot and humid right now I don't really care. I did get to rock the seersucker jacket to the wedding, and the Southern girls loved the look.

We are finally getting the bulk of our furniture on Wednesday, which is good because I'm tired of sitting in our dining room chairs and looking at the TV on the floor. Our bed was delivered last Thursday right before we left. Actually, the bed came on Tuesday, but there was no way we could get it into the building. Instead of returning the bed (we spent days looking for it and it was the only one we liked), we called the store and they recommended an interesting service. For about 4X more than the normal delivery fee, this guy rolled back the upholstery on the bed and CUT THE FRAME IN HALF. After lugging it up the stairs and barely making it through our doorways, he reassembled and reupholstered the whole thing in our bedroom. I hope our couches will make it in.

More pics and thoughts to come later . . .